On Helplessness

It is very common these days to feel a sense of helplessness.  I know that after a full day of supporting clients, facilitating in a training, or public speaking I tend to fall into the pattern of avoiding the news and world events because everything feels so…big.  How can I, little ol’ me, do anything to assist with all the problems in the world?  What can I do to help?  And even if I could, would it make a difference?  

This feeling of helplessness is actually a defense mechanism from our nervous system.  Like disassociation and disembodiment, helplessness can assist when things feel overwhelming (too much, too fast, too soon).  However, while these states of being can be useful in the moment, if they become perpetual, this can disrupt our ability to cycle back into a state of rest and digest, getting us stuck in functional freeze.  Basically you are still able to go about your day/week/month of tasks, but you lack the capacity for self agency.  

Self agency is our innate ability to make and take actionable choices.  When we lose our sense of self agency, we can spiral into a nervous system state of freeze.  I noticed this quite a bit (and still do) with individuals and communities after COVID.  For so many of us our self agency and our ability to connect to each other were taken away during this global event.  And while we were able to find new ways to be social, our fundamental ability to make and take actionable choices was diminished.  This put some of us into a suspended state of freeze, unable to make commitments or decisions for ourselves.  

So how did we get from feeling like it was difficult to commit to buying that plane ticket to a general sense of helplessness when it comes to the state of the world?  Expand this state of freeze over time from the micro experience (individual) to the macro experience (global) and the idea of making and taking any actionable choices can feel impossible.  Our nervous system is always looking for feelings of safety, and when things feel, well, big, then feeling safe can be a challenge.  So we protect and shut down (the news, the bad, the fight, the uncomfortable)..

However, there are ways to reengage with your self agency and reverse feelings of helplessness gently.  Firstly, set yourself up for success by celebrating your wins; those things that you do everyday that make you feel confident, excited, and/or proud.  Mine include a good workout, reading a bit of my book, going for a walk, and remembering to floss my teeth.  Even these everyday tasks can enhance your feelings of agency.  

Second, start with yourself and then branch out with a group.  Once you feel like you are making actionable choices in your own life, notice if you can expand outward, and reach out to others to gain momentum.  This might include acts of kindness, making a commitment to do something consistently within a group (volunteer or help out with a local event), and find ways to include accountability for yourself.  

Eventually a cascade of transformation will occur from helplessness to self agency to increased capacity for discomfort and suddenly advocacy.  By highlighting moments of feeling good about making choices and taking action for yourself, we can all eventually create wider rings of action and create a world that feels less helpless and more helpful for us all.