Healing is not linear
Last month I concluded my thoughts around the 4 Phases of Awareness. While this breakdown of these phases and stages paints a picture of steps on a ladder, or passageways through a door, systematically going from one to the other, I wanted to reiterate that healing is not linear.
Trauma and challenges are not a straight line, and so neither is the process of restoration. From my experience with clients, each phase does progress in a specific trajectory of “order”. However even after we have found ourselves moving through one phase to another, we might notice that there are moments where we revisit a phase. This can happen in multiple ways and at multiple times.
Revisiting a phase is not a backslide or a step backwards. I remember when I was finishing up my Advanced Somatic Experiencing Module in Austin, Texas. In this level of the training we were working with nervous system balance and event completion through touch, practicing on each other. Laying on the massage table with my gentle partners hands on my shoulders I started to feel myself turn and spin, my body unconsciously avoiding an unknown threat, trying to deflect away from the left side of the table. I suddenly opened my eyes as the room tilted and looked at my partner and calmly told him to get help, I wanted to stop this process. He got our supervisor who guided me back to center, resetting me into a place that felt more manageable so I could continue with the training.
As I was settling and reflecting, my body and mind knew what this was. About 20 years earlier I had endured a horrific car accident, being hit on the left side of the vehicle and sustaining multiple broken bones, damaged internal organs and resulting in a plethora of surgeries. I had done so much up to that point to aid in my own recovery from that accident, physically and emotionally, and my first thoughts were “damn, I’m still dealing with this”. I thought I was done. Yet in this moment I had an Ah Ha epiphany. My nervous system had slipped back into Phase 2 (Uncomfortable Awareness) because it was finally ready to unravel and process more of the event. It wasn’t a back slide, it was a leap forward.
Two steps forward in this process might at first feel like three steps back. However, our bodies are smart, and they know when we have more capacity to handle more layers of our experiences. I bring this forward to remind myself, and hopefully you, that restoration and awareness is an unset process. There is no perfect protocol, no timeline or expectation of when and how and where your body will move through stress or trauma or events. One day’s flow might be another day’s discomfort. And as we step into this season of rest I also offer the possibility of compassion and patience within these Phases of Awareness. Allow the path to wind and the doors to shut and the windows to open. You are headed towards a lifetime of peace, satisfaction, and Blissful Awareness with each turn.
