The Surprising Challenge of Doing Nothing
Back in September of last year I took a small break from work. I planned to spend time in nature in a place with limited cell service and cleared out my calendar and to-do lists. I was so excited at the prospect of relaxing and not doing anything for a few days. When the time off came I set up my chair outside and began to gleefully enjoy the world around me, listening to the birds, watching the river gurgle past me, and felt the sun on my face. I felt so content and relaxed.
Then I started to get antsy. My mind started racing about things I needed to get done when I returned to work. I found myself standing up, stretching, pacing, and then sitting back down again only to repeat those movements again and again; stretch, pace, sit. My mind kept telling me to do something, make a list, go for a hike, check my messages that I knew were not able to come through anyway. It took all my strength to not hop back in the car and go find a cell signal, plan all the hikes I could, start doing a full on workout, or make a list on my phone of everything I needed to do when I got back. I forced myself to just sit, be still and pause.
That first day was rough, and so telling of how conditioned my nervous system had become to constantly being busy. I always thought of myself as someone who had no problem stopping and smelling the roses. But in reality, when I am sitting still on my few days or hours off I am really not still. I am knitting, listening, reading, consuming, planning, traveling, etc. I am not still, and it has gotten to the point where stillness, pause and doing nothing does not feel safe in my body.
It is so important for us as humans to find moments of non consumption, of not having to be productive, moments where we can simply experience and be, moments of care and self support through unplugging and reconnecting with nature, intentional movement, and quiet contemplation. Otherwise our perspective of what feels safe in our body begins to shift so that only busyness, constant productivity, and issessant motion are the only pathways we know to safety. This can be exhausting and detrimental to our long term health. We must also nurture those pathways to safety that are lined with rejuvenation, quiet, and radical resets.
Finding balance between the two can be the perfect way to embrace this process. By day two I was able to sit still, enjoying my morning lemon water and ginger without nervously checking my phone for nonexistent messages and was literally able to stroll and smell the flowers, even though I did go for a hike that day.